Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
