Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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