fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
