I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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