My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
