so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
