Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
