What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Let the clothes fall where they may.
tell me about the eggs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
