Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
