I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
