I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
