All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
