i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
