you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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