I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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