Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
