Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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