thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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