I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
