it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
