In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
