She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
