So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
