Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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