you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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