I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
