Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
