It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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