if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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