yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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