y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
