i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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