Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
