You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
