why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
