all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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