Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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