so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
