That's when you crack a 10am beer
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize