help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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