I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
