Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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