Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
