Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
