I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
