you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
