Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
