My balls are so social today.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
