My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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