Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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