I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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