I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
honey bunches of taint.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
