I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
