it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Two words: blizzard sex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
