i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
