OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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