I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
