i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
